8 Toxic Things Parents Say To their Children

Children should always expect the love and care of their parents.
But what if the parents are toxic? Whether hurtful words are intended or not… they can leave a mark and a memory, from a short time to a lifetime.

Photo by Nienke Burgers on Unsplash

Hurtful comments can come from loved ones like parents, and the psychological and emotional damage can be harmful to many people… especially to their children. The way parents raise their children and the way they act towards them lays the foundation for their personality and self-esteem. So how do you know if a parent or caregiver is toxic? Here are eight things toxic parents say that can affect a child’s life.

1. Insulting words towards her appearance. “You are ugly, too fat, too short, or too thin, or you have ugly hair.”
   Belittling a child based on their appearance will likely only increase their physical insecurities and body image concerns. This can lead to serious emotional problems like eating disorders. Parents should teach their children to love themselves no matter what they look like on the outside.
2. Provocative questions about actions. For example, “Why are you acting so strangely?”, “Why are you walking like that?” “Do you chew like that?”, “Do you move or talk like that?” Children tend to believe everything their parents say. Sarcastic questions or remarks like these can make the child feel that something is wrong with him. This makes it very difficult for the child to be themselves around people, even during their adulthood. and they may then be trapped in the discomfort and fear that others may laugh at them, or notice the faults that their toxic parents have invented for them.
3. Selfish wishes. “I wish you had never been born.”, “I wish I had had an abortion.”, “I regret having you.”, “I wish you were another child.” Parents should never say these things to a child. By doing so, they make them feel like they should not even be in the world and that they do not deserve to be alive. Such comments harm a child, a person in general. They diminish their overall sense of identity, which can lead to self-harm and early depression. Instead, parents should make them feel loved and appreciated.
4. Making the child feel like a burden/problem. “You cost me too much money”, “It’s so hard to take care of you”, “Having you exhausts me”. When a parent says this to their child, the child feels like a burden. It’ll cause them to unconsciously hide their needs, feelings, and problems just to avoid the parent’s anger. Nemours, a nonprofit child health system, reports that lack of love and affection or material things are among the reasons some children tend to steal and abuse.
5. Unhealthy comparisons. “Why are you not like your sibling, your cousin, or the other children?” “The other kids are better than you.” This greatly lowers a child’s self-esteem and makes them believe that they’ll never be good enough, no matter how hard they try. Furthermore, comparing siblings to each other only fosters an unhealthy relationship between them. This causes them to feel jealousy and resentment for each other. Siblings should equally have the right to develop their own independent identity.
6. Expletives are statements. “You are stupid.”, “Useless.” “You are a loser.” or “You’ll never make it.” Such absolute statements damage the child’s self-esteem. It is important for parents to encourage their children to believe in themselves.
7. Threatening abandonment. “I will leave you,” “I will put you aside,” “You will wake up and not find me,” “I will just disappear.” This causes a child to have abandonment issues. It fears that the people it loves will leave it because of who it is. As a child grows up, this belief will subconsciously become ingrained in its mind. It will not be able to trust future relationships because it is afraid they will leave it.
8. Empty promises. “If you do this, I’ll buy you that.” or “Next time I’ll take you out there.” but then they don’t do it. (This happens to almost everyone) When parents make promises they don’t keep, it breaks the child’s trust. The child then feels betrayed. False promises are an excellent way to teach a child not to trust others in life.

In summary, words, even if not physically harmful, can be extremely damaging to the psyche and emotional well-being. Childhood is an important chapter in everyone’s life. Our childhood shapes our personality, our behavior, and our beliefs.